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Thread: parents leading by example

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    Administrator xsecx's Avatar
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    parents leading by example

    since i'm old, I have friends that have kids, some that are teenagers. Friday night I was in a conversation with some of them and teenage drinking came up and how they wished the kid that got caught wouldn't do it. What was interesting was that they got really defensive when I mentioned that the best way to not have a kid binge drink might be to not have a fully stocked bar and not have your kids see you with a drink in your hand on a regular basis. I find the mixed messaging from adults completely bizarre. "it's ok for me to do this, but not for you, until you're older" but in the mean time leave large amounts of alcohol all over the house.

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    Taxi Driver Lifestyle_X's Avatar
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    So true. My mom always walks around with a glass of wine. What if I wasn't straight edge?
    I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

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    ..... straightXed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xsecx View Post
    since i'm old, I have friends that have kids, some that are teenagers. Friday night I was in a conversation with some of them and teenage drinking came up and how they wished the kid that got caught wouldn't do it. What was interesting was that they got really defensive when I mentioned that the best way to not have a kid binge drink might be to not have a fully stocked bar and not have your kids see you with a drink in your hand on a regular basis. I find the mixed messaging from adults completely bizarre. "it's ok for me to do this, but not for you, until you're older" but in the mean time leave large amounts of alcohol all over the house.
    Its definitely a huge contributing factor as well as providing access the message is all wrong like you say. Furthermore i think it diminishes respect, as the teenager may struggle to apply respect to a figure that scolds him/her for emmulating the actions of the adult when the underlying message is often for a young person to grow up and be more responsible. And obviously having alcohol around the place isn't the best sign of responsibility and i think many parents would struggle to convince a young teenage mind that whilst it is wrong and bad it perfectly fine for the adults.

    I think things like this provide a huge gap in the relationship and gives rise to a lot of resentment and lack of respect. I mean i know myself as a 34 year old i have a hard time respecting people who don't live by the message they are preaching to others so it is highly probable a teenager with potentially less ability to reason would also feel this way. Its a shame the reaction was to be defensive, it seems like the irresponsibility is a factor with the parenting and yet the child is scorned. I completely agree that the responsible thing to do is to make alcohol non acessable and not advertised by the parents.
    Others walk the bow, I walk the string

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    Registered User easy's Avatar
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    I am going to ask my kids right now if they plan on drinking ever.... GQ said NO because it gets you drunk and you will do stupid things and won't lead you anywhere good... Sebastian said NO you will get drunk and fall on the floor like in red dead redemption... Peerless said NO that's weird, I want to be straight edge.
    Hopefully they continue to feel this way as they get older!
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    http://www.rodri-go.com/ rodrigo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by easy View Post
    Peerless said NO that's weird, I want to be straight edge.
    best answer ever
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    Registered User Jacob's Avatar
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    I couldn't agree more with OP's opinion. It's so difficult to tell your children that drinking, smoking and other things are wrong when you do it all the time in front of them. No body, no matter what should ever smoke or drink when a child is near. No matter what.

  7. #7
    linsee
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    I agree to some extent, but I know growing up with my dad smoking made me despise it.

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    Administrator xsecx's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by linsee View Post
    I agree to some extent, but I know growing up with my dad smoking made me despise it.
    smoking's a different thing in my mind. not everyone does it and there's a lot of external pressure for everyone to stop, it's not the same with alcohol at all.

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    ..... straightXed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by linsee View Post
    I agree to some extent, but I know growing up with my dad smoking made me despise it.
    But theres still a strong case for parents not to smoke around their kids even if it hasn't given you an iclination to smoke you have still had to smoke vicariously as a result.
    Others walk the bow, I walk the string

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    Quote Originally Posted by linsee View Post
    I agree to some extent, but I know growing up with my dad smoking made me despise it.
    Thats a good way alot of younger kids will see this.
    A buddy of mine told me once "My daughter said she will never smoke weed, smoke a cig, drink a beer. Why? becuase she told me she will never do the things I do, becuase i am a fucken retard when i do all those"
    Alot of the younger crowd will drink / not drink. Its mostly What our kids see at a ripe age. The parents put movies on with actors drinking and smoking. They have their kids go grab em a beer out of the fridge. They have their kids grab em their smokes off the table becuase they are too drunk to go grab em.
    I myself think that alot of kids in this generation may be drunks and follow off their folks or may not.
    We dont got the old budweiser frog commercials saying "bud-wei-ser". I for once gave a little giggle when i saw that at age 5.
    Other kids will follow what their older brother does if he drinks, becuase you always want to look up to your older brother.
    All im saying people need to be careful. I started drinking and smoking at a ripe age becuase i followed off people and what they did. ESPECIALLY my big brother. And now learning but NOT regretting my decisions. Im glad I was like that, becuase now i can say and teach my son that yuou dont need to be like that.

  11. #11
    Registered User Diablo2424's Avatar
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    I can agree with pretty much everyone here in one way or another. I grew up with parent's who don't smoke/drink, and my uncle who does do both and is a total fu&k up. So that pretty much turned me off of ever doing anything. It made me look at him and think, if I do those things, I'll be like him, into drugs, in and out of jail, etc. Not exactly a life anyone can see them self growing into. Then once I turned 15 and started dating my g/f at that time, saw her family situation, drunken parents and a little sister of hers who had to deal with the domestic violence and fighting, it was a mess. That just made me hate it all that much more. I had always hope/figured since she grew up around it she'd see how bad it all is and stay away, after we broke up (about 5 years ago now) I found out she now drinks/smokes/etc... and you can tell just by looking at her, her skin is awful, she just looks worse, she gained weight, etc....

    So it really can go either way, but I will admit that I know people who have kids (young and as old as teenager) who drink/smoke/etc in front of their kids and expect their kids to not go out and try it.

  12. #12
    Registered User easy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Diablo2424 View Post
    I can agree with pretty much everyone here in one way or another. I grew up with parent's who don't smoke/drink, and my uncle who does do both and is a total fu&k up. So that pretty much turned me off of ever doing anything. It made me look at him and think, if I do those things, I'll be like him, into drugs, in and out of jail, etc. Not exactly a life anyone can see them self growing into. Then once I turned 15 and started dating my g/f at that time, saw her family situation, drunken parents and a little sister of hers who had to deal with the domestic violence and fighting, it was a mess. That just made me hate it all that much more. I had always hope/figured since she grew up around it she'd see how bad it all is and stay away, after we broke up (about 5 years ago now) I found out she now drinks/smokes/etc... and you can tell just by looking at her, her skin is awful, she just looks worse, she gained weight, etc....


    So it really can go either way, but I will admit that I know people who have kids (young and as old as teenager) who drink/smoke/etc in front of their kids and expect their kids to not go out and try it.
    I sure hope my being a straight edge parent doesn't backfire and my kids rebel against me by getting into drugs! If I keep educating them as to why I do it maybe they will see the logic in it.
    My support has no conditions, I will always have your back.

  13. #13
    Being Mean CarlaRant's Avatar
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    Hubby and I had this conversation recently because we're trying to have a baby.

    I think parents should lead by example. Although Hubby is not straightedge, he doesn't keep alcohol in the house. We plan on talking to our kids about moderation and our reasons for our choices. Hubby only drinks socially; mostly as a way to bond with his father and brothers. (I know that's not a good enough reason to drink, but he is a good man and doesn't get drunk.) Growing up with parents with mental disorders and addictions, I have chosen avoid anything that might lead me down that route.
    Last edited by CarlaRant; 09-23-2012 at 12:37 PM.

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