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DxK
02-28-2010, 06:16 PM
Hi there,

I thought I'd check this place out as I'm Straight Edge curious as opposed to actually practising it at the moment.
Basically up until about 18 months ago I would only drink occasionally and my only experience of drugs was one or two tokes of weed. Then I got a job in London and everyone there seemed to do a lot of cocaine, so I tried one line at a party, it was a good feeling I must admit, but the desperation of the people there as they begged me to give them a line and seemed disbelieving when I told them that I didn't have any, kind of put me off the scene.

Anyway, fast forward a year and the tv company I was working for went under, I moved back to my old hometown and again I was clean as a whistle, the occasional drink here and there was my limit. I started playing football with a guy who was regularly taking a legal drug called 'Space E' (no longer legal). This is basically methedrone under the guise of plant food and it intrigued me. I wanted to know what it felt like to try that stuff, it was cheap, everyone seemed so happy.. So I tried some and the feeling was great.

From there I tried a bit of this and a bit of that, not loads but just enough so that I was accepted into the wrong circles really. Dry lips, drooling jaws, bloody noses, everyone talking over each other with nobody listening.. That's what the sober person would have seen. As part of the crowd I was simply enjoying the euphoria through my dusty drug goggles.

Then as recently as a couple of weeks ago I tried one more hit, legal stuff called 'mcat'. Horrible taste, short buzz, long come down. The feelings of paranoia of loneliness both during and after the event made me finally realise what a load of sh!t this was. Getting wasted in a room full of morons, people begging to have that last line of plant food - desperate, sad people.. People like me.

I told myself there and then that this couldn't go on. It had been a random house party and the people were so judgemental of everyone. My friends went off to work and surrounded by strangers whilst in a chatty mood, it dawned on me that if you didn't know these people first you wouldn't want to know them. Dull folk, worried only about their next hit. I left tired but aware that something had to change.

For what it's worth I'm pleased to know what certain things feel like, but I can't go through life squandering my potential because I decided to waste my best years putting chemicals inside my body. I don't want to need that, I don't want to have to be wired to have fun.. I think it's time to step away from the crowd and be who I want to be. I'm not saying I'll definitely be Straight Edge, but I'd like to at least see what it's like for a couple of months and make my own judgements on it if that doesn't sound too wimpy for the hardcore people.

easy
03-01-2010, 07:24 PM
dude thanks for the time writing such a detailed honest look at your life! admirable! heres to hoping you stick to your commitment and enjoy the rest of your life drug free!!