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funwithpinetrees
08-15-2009, 01:10 AM
This is a way I feel sometimes and now I am going to write about it.

I think by not drinking and doing something that I value in the face of adversity and pressure to do otherwise is something of a mature thing to do.

However most people I interact with, from older adults to friends to acquaintances, are always insinuating that by not drinking I am really being a little kid who likes to drink juice and stuff. They are always like "and an Orange Juice for you." And they say things like when you start drinking you;ll understand.

It is like I am not mature, I have not have not grown up or become stronger because i have not had experiences where I have gotten so drunk I've thrown up and passed out. I miss the right of passage and now I am like naive about the world and inexperienced.

It is something I feel that I have never really expressed before because I didn't think anyone would understand or that it was very important, but you know I thought people here might relate.

JoeyX
08-15-2009, 02:37 AM
This is a way I feel sometimes and now I am going to write about it.

I think by not drinking and doing something that I value in the face of adversity and pressure to do otherwise is something of a mature thing to do.

However most people I interact with, from older adults to friends to acquaintances, are always insinuating that by not drinking I am really being a little kid who likes to drink juice and stuff. They are always like "and an Orange Juice for you." And they say things like when you start drinking you;ll understand.

It is like I am not mature, I have not have not grown up or become stronger because i have not had experiences where I have gotten so drunk I've thrown up and passed out. I miss the right of passage and now I am like naive about the world and inexperienced.

It is something I feel that I have never really expressed before because I didn't think anyone would understand or that it was very important, but you know I thought people here might relate.

To start off, obviously everybody here is probably going to agree that being Straight Edge is a very mature, valuable, and smart choice to make...not that other choices aren't smart, but Straight Edge is still a smart choice to make.

A lot of adults who drink tend to act like that because they don't understand why you don't want to drink, especially if you are of age to. Because it is common for a person to live the generic way of "When I turn 21, I'm getting hammered, at least once if not all the time" ya know. So they don't get it, nor do they care. Now I'm not saying that this applies to everyone, but from my experiences and through the many many people I've met just like this, it seems to apply to a good amount of people who drink. They also probably think you are going through a phase, by saying things like "when you start drinking you'll understand". To me that either says, they look at you and think, "this kid thinks he is better than me, so I'll crack a joke and say 'and an orange juice for you'", type of thing, or they like a lot of people who drink think, actually think drinking is going to help their lives. Like when people around me say things of the same nature of "when you start drinking you'll understand", they think they have so many problems, and whether or not they do, they think drinking will solve that problem. Which is obviously a crutch of theirs, and a failure of a crutch at that, obviously because it is only temporary and does not make any problem go away, just stalls it while they are drunk.

Just because you have not had those experiences, doesn't mean you don't know wrong from right, you don't always have to experience something to see that is it obviously ridiculous, dumb, and wrong.

Just overlook, and ignore people when they say things of that nature, they are the ones acting immature.

SgtD
08-15-2009, 03:07 AM
i think in a way it's more mature to not drink, because you know better then get shitfaced. whether or not you've drank before.

straightXed
08-15-2009, 09:37 AM
This is a way I feel sometimes and now I am going to write about it.

I think by not drinking and doing something that I value in the face of adversity and pressure to do otherwise is something of a mature thing to do.

However most people I interact with, from older adults to friends to acquaintances, are always insinuating that by not drinking I am really being a little kid who likes to drink juice and stuff. They are always like "and an Orange Juice for you." And they say things like when you start drinking you;ll understand.

It is like I am not mature, I have not have not grown up or become stronger because i have not had experiences where I have gotten so drunk I've thrown up and passed out. I miss the right of passage and now I am like naive about the world and inexperienced.

It is something I feel that I have never really expressed before because I didn't think anyone would understand or that it was very important, but you know I thought people here might relate.


Maturity is one thing wisdom is another. You can gain wisdom from doing things and learning why they are not really that great or you can make wise choices by avoiding doing things that really don't have anything much going for them in your eyes. As people mature they can gain wisdom about drinking and a lot will begin to drink more responsibly but only because they have learnt from alcoholic hammerings in the past. If you have observed this pattern and chosen that drinking isn't smart then i personally believe you have made a wise choice.

Younger people will often consider drinking and the world that comes with it a little bit of a rite of passage but you too will be constantly growing and learning about the world too, there is really very little they will learn that you won't.

I don't exactly see straightedge as an entirely mature concept, it does have youthful and almost naive focus at times but i feel its less naive than the lets get wasted approach and will transcend into sensilble and thought out behaviour a lot easier.

It sounds like you know some condescending adults, they are probably like that because somewhere along the line you are reflecting their behaviour back to them and this is an easy way to discard that. Its almost like a childlike response on their part, my advice is if faced with that kind of thing have a good think as to how they arrived at that thought and why they are needing to condescend you. It might just bring a smile to your face.

xvunderx
08-15-2009, 02:19 PM
I found the same thing when I decided not to drink, and I think this is a BIG part of the reason so many people go into it without even thinking.

In a lot of ways drinking is looked at pretty much like pubic hair, you grow up and it happens. When it doesn't happen it's like you haven't fully "developed" as an adult.

I think breaking that mindset would be a big step towards less people relying on or blindly accepting alcohol.

xmichaelxlilunx
08-18-2009, 09:13 PM
prank them or get them back someway when they are drunk
make them look stupid and say something like "this is why i dont drink"
i always do that to my friends lol

lo0m
08-19-2009, 06:30 AM
drug is a crutch.. they don't understand they don't need it... that's addiction (propably social in this case).. get used to it or take a marker to the party with you and when they're doomed, start tagging on their faces.. i guess they won't make a fun of you next time :-)

xAdamSx
09-03-2009, 02:45 PM
Yeah, I come across this mindset a lot from drinkers, I think it's easy enough to deflect or respond to though. Most soon realise though that you are sticking to your convictions, that it isn't just a 'phase' or whatever and eventually drop it. My brother hasn't reached this stage yet, but it's fine.

xXxFerCm93xXx
09-05-2009, 03:19 PM
I have a similar problem, when I go out with my friends and they drunk they look like stupids who donīt realize about what they do, one of them even suffer an accident and went to the hospital, and all because he was drunk, and after that, He continue drinking alcohol (not that big quantity, but...) and he is always asking things about straight edge only for attack it (when he saw the discovery channel documentary of straight edge he said something like " you thought that straight edge is good but people of them attack the other people" or " I can imagine an straight edge party, all people saying that drugs are bad...e.t.c" and I canīt stand it, really.

xCrucialDudex
09-25-2009, 04:19 AM
This is a way I feel sometimes and now I am going to write about it.

I think by not drinking and doing something that I value in the face of adversity and pressure to do otherwise is something of a mature thing to do.

However most people I interact with, from older adults to friends to acquaintances, are always insinuating that by not drinking I am really being a little kid who likes to drink juice and stuff. They are always like "and an Orange Juice for you." And they say things like when you start drinking you;ll understand.

It is like I am not mature, I have not have not grown up or become stronger because i have not had experiences where I have gotten so drunk I've thrown up and passed out. I miss the right of passage and now I am like naive about the world and inexperienced.

It is something I feel that I have never really expressed before because I didn't think anyone would understand or that it was very important, but you know I thought people here might relate.

Bullshit. They're just as immature as they tell you you are.

xCrucialDudex
09-25-2009, 04:20 AM
I have a similar problem, when I go out with my friends and they drunk they look like stupids who donīt realize about what they do, one of them even suffer an accident and went to the hospital, and all because he was drunk, and after that, He continue drinking alcohol (not that big quantity, but...) and he is always asking things about straight edge only for attack it (when he saw the discovery channel documentary of straight edge he said something like " you thought that straight edge is good but people of them attack the other people" or " I can imagine an straight edge party, all people saying that drugs are bad...e.t.c" and I canīt stand it, really.

Maybe you need new friends?

D1988
09-25-2009, 05:56 AM
Maybe you need new friends?

This type of response annoys the living shit out of me.

xCrucialDudex
09-25-2009, 06:01 AM
This type of response annoys the living shit out of me.

But no really I mean it. I've found that it's easier to find people who don't do things that majorly annoy or disappoint you rather than trying to change their ways or even bother asking them to (and there're high chances you won't be understood at all so...).

Lifestyle_X
09-25-2009, 06:14 AM
This type of response annoys the living shit out of me.

my friends don't ditch on me for being edge, i hate 'friends' that constantly laugh at your face, call you names, ... and still consider you as a friend. the funny thing is, this is how they all treat their friends, and they think it's normal.
but that's another thing, i would get new friends.. imo, mr. crucial dude is right :)

xCrucialDudex
09-25-2009, 06:15 AM
my friends don't ditch on me for being edge, i hate 'friends' that constantly laugh at your face, call you names, ... and still consider you as a friend. the funny thing is, this is how they all treat their friends, and they think it's normal.
but that's another thing, i would get new friends.. imo, mr. crucial dude is right :)

Amen brother!

D1988
09-25-2009, 06:44 AM
But no really I mean it. I've found that it's easier to find people who don't do things that majorly annoy or disappoint you rather than trying to change their ways or even bother asking them to (and there're high chances you won't be understood at all so...).

You may have found it's easier to find new friends than change the ones you have, but that does not apply to everyone. Just because you have the ability to make new friends easy and change things so easily doesn't mean it so simply applies to other people.

D1988
09-25-2009, 06:46 AM
my friends don't ditch on me for being edge, i hate 'friends' that constantly laugh at your face, call you names, ... and still consider you as a friend. the funny thing is, this is how they all treat their friends, and they think it's normal.
but that's another thing, i would get new friends.. imo, mr. crucial dude is right :)

Yeah, you should just go out and get new friends, it's really that easy to do isn't it?

Like I said in above post, what is easy for you is not directly as easy for other people in different walks of life, so the generalisation you guys are passing off here like it's the worlds simplest thing to do is just bullshit.

xCrucialDudex
09-25-2009, 08:42 AM
You may have found it's easier to find new friends than change the ones you have, but that does not apply to everyone. Just because you have the ability to make new friends easy and change things so easily doesn't mean it so simply applies to other people.

I don't think I make new friends very easy but it's not that hard actually. Sometimes you meet someone and you just hit it off. So my guess is one should look for exactly these people and not waste too much of your time on other.

And the point actually is that people who do not respect your choices and believes and make it their daily routine to make fun of you and your believes in all seriousness can't be referred to as friends. These are acquintances, people you know. Not friends.

I have a friend who thinks I listen to stupid and crazy music - hardcore punk or metalcore - but he never tries to make fun of me because of that. I know he likes to spend way too much time in a bathroom, just lying there doing nothing. I never make fun of him 'cuz I know he geniunely enjoys taking bath for 2-3 hours straight which I believe is ridiculous.

Now that is respecting what others believe is important and that's a characteristic of a real friendship in my opinion.

xCrucialDudex
09-25-2009, 08:43 AM
Yeah, you should just go out and get new friends, it's really that easy to do isn't it?

Exactly, it's no very easy everything requires some level of dedication and an effort but it's not super hard to make friends either :)

xsecx
09-25-2009, 09:14 AM
I have a friend who thinks I listen to stupid and crazy music - hardcore punk or metalcore - but he never tries to make fun of me because of that. I know he likes to spend way too much time in a bathroom, just lying there doing nothing. I never make fun of him 'cuz I know he geniunely enjoys taking bath for 2-3 hours straight which I believe is ridiculous.

Now that is respecting what others believe is important and that's a characteristic of a real friendship in my opinion.


is he a fish?

D1988
09-25-2009, 09:39 AM
I don't think I make new friends very easy but it's not that hard actually. Sometimes you meet someone and you just hit it off. So my guess is one should look for exactly these people and not waste too much of your time on other.

And the point actually is that people who do not respect your choices and believes and make it their daily routine to make fun of you and your believes in all seriousness can't be referred to as friends. These are acquintances, people you know. Not friends.

I have a friend who thinks I listen to stupid and crazy music - hardcore punk or metalcore - but he never tries to make fun of me because of that. I know he likes to spend way too much time in a bathroom, just lying there doing nothing. I never make fun of him 'cuz I know he geniunely enjoys taking bath for 2-3 hours straight which I believe is ridiculous.

Now that is respecting what others believe is important and that's a characteristic of a real friendship in my opinion.

I am really not arguing the point that in the situations you describe that people would be better off with new friends. I agree with that. What I do not like is a single one line answer to someone basically saying "get new friends".

In your posts you have said you don't find it that easy, but it also isn't hard. What about the persons post that was replied to? Maybe they find it even harder than you to make friends and it isn't something they could just go out and do.

The reason I, in particular, am being so pissy about this is because I constantly hear people saying to find friends or find NEW friends, but that is not easy for me and it annoys me when "normal" people find it so easy to do that they automatically assume it is easy for me to do as well. Like for example put yourself in my shoes and try to find new friends in Scotland when you do not party, drink, socialise at weekends like the 99% of people my age do all of the time. It verges on impossible to find new decent friends, and that's the reason I get so annoyed about things like that because I actually WISH it was as easy for me as you make it out to be for yourself.

xsecx
09-25-2009, 09:46 AM
I am really not arguing the point that in the situations you describe that people would be better off with new friends. I agree with that. What I do not like is a single one line answer to someone basically saying "get new friends".

In your posts you have said you don't find it that easy, but it also isn't hard. What about the persons post that was replied to? Maybe they find it even harder than you to make friends and it isn't something they could just go out and do.

The reason I, in particular, am being so pissy about this is because I constantly hear people saying to find friends or find NEW friends, but that is not easy for me and it annoys me when "normal" people find it so easy to do that they automatically assume it is easy for me to do as well. Like for example put yourself in my shoes and try to find new friends in Scotland when you do not party, drink, socialise at weekends like the 99% of people my age do all of the time. It verges on impossible to find new decent friends, and that's the reason I get so annoyed about things like that because I actually WISH it was as easy for me as you make it out to be for yourself.

then you focus more on finding good decent people rather than people who don't party or drink.

Lifestyle_X
09-25-2009, 02:44 PM
well, i don't know how it is to drop ALL of your old friends and just find new.. but 2 good friends of me (back then) in high school were so annoying, always so negative, laughing at people, calling everyone names, and they were always the best *sigh*.. i just gave up on them and started to get to know the others of my class better. it worked out very well.

xCrucialDudex
09-25-2009, 11:24 PM
is he a fish?

Even if he secretly is he really does look like a normal human.

xCrucialDudex
09-25-2009, 11:35 PM
I am really not arguing the point that in the situations you describe that people would be better off with new friends. I agree with that. What I do not like is a single one line answer to someone basically saying "get new friends".

In your posts you have said you don't find it that easy, but it also isn't hard. What about the persons post that was replied to? Maybe they find it even harder than you to make friends and it isn't something they could just go out and do.

The reason I, in particular, am being so pissy about this is because I constantly hear people saying to find friends or find NEW friends, but that is not easy for me and it annoys me when "normal" people find it so easy to do that they automatically assume it is easy for me to do as well. Like for example put yourself in my shoes and try to find new friends in Scotland when you do not party, drink, socialise at weekends like the 99% of people my age do all of the time. It verges on impossible to find new decent friends, and that's the reason I get so annoyed about things like that because I actually WISH it was as easy for me as you make it out to be for yourself.

It seems you're trying to compare yourself to others and then you get all negative about how fast you make friends which you shouldn't really be doing, ever.

Look, I bet you don't try to compare yourself to Bill Gates or I don't know some other prominent person so why would you want to put a strain on yourself by talking to yourself negatively (which I guess really happens) about your ability to make new friends not as fast as someone else does?

I'd recommend that you first - start talking to yourself positively about it, second - focus on just interacting with people and noticing how well it works out for you with every single person you meet.

Just stop thinking about it negatively okay? It should help a lot. Who cares if you need 3 month to meet and befriend someone? I don't care, in fact no one does. If you do it in just 1 day I still don't really care. It's not a competition you know.

Just do it. Enjoy the process.

:)

xCrucialDudex
09-26-2009, 12:01 AM
Like for example put yourself in my shoes and try to find new friends in Scotland when you do not party, drink, socialise at weekends like the 99% of people my age do all of the time.

I want address this part of your post too. Man, look where I do live! It's Ukraine, ex-USSR country that borders with Russia. In fact there are so few dissimilarities between ukrainian and russian cultures since Ukraine have officially existed as a separate country only for 18 years now which means infamous heavy alcohol consumption characteristic of Russia applies to Ukraine just as well.

I mean arguably people over here consume even more alcohol than in Scotland. Everything starting from a child's birth to someone's death and even passing your final examinations in the University (by not only students but teaching stuff and uni administration) and workplace has a custom of drinking alcohol beverages on these occasions attached to it.

I know exactly what you're saying and I, judging from my experience, think it's still pretty easy to make friends with people living in societies like these.

Wonderful thing is when you focus on finding people you'd love to meet you do actually meet them.

I remember when I just decided to give up drinking alcohol I felt lost and alone 'cuz all my friends were doing this. I stuck to my decision anyway and gradually I found A LOT of people who didn't drink and lived a healthy lifestyle.

I go out each morning to do some exercises and I see a lot of people who are running, doing chin-ups and what not.

Somehow my environment is changing and it doesn't really happen on its own you know. I'm just focused on meeting people that don't drink, or do it as minimally as possible. I'm mostly interested in having connections with this type of people and I automatically kind of discard everyone else. It's not like - oh so you drink alcohol I don't think we'll get along dude so piss off - I genuinely try to connect with all people I meet but if their life is kind of ruled by alcohol and activities that involve heavy alcohol consumption it becomes naturally apparent we've got little in common and we kind of naturally just don't stick together if you see what I mean.

Another thing I automatically get turned off by girls who drink a lot and smoke. Like I'm walking down the street and see a gorgeous girl. I start thinking about approaching her and the I see either a cigarette in her hand or smoke coming out of her mouth and I'm then like - No, she's not for me. Now, this of course reduces my chances of meeting gorgeous girls dramatically, it seems a lot of them unfortunately do smoke but hey I'm REALLY not interested in girls that smoke. This is my mentality. And this situation happens a lot each day. It pains to see how many beautiful girls smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol.

And yes somehow I end up finding cute girls and nice people who don't drink excessively or smoke and befriend them.

Hope that gives you some sort of perspective. You're not alone in this and it's not all that hard really :)

xSouthernEdgex
10-06-2009, 12:16 PM
Maybe you need new friends?


This type of response annoys the living shit out of me.

Seriously, I'm straight edge and I've really never in my life had any dedicated straight edge friends. I'm in college and have met some people that have great personalities and I get along well with them but they do drink and such and its semi-awkward around them when they do because I'm targeted for being straight edge. I deal with it though because I mean I don't agree with what they do, so I don't do it. If they respect that we stay friends, if they don't we stop being friends. None of my high school friends were straight edge and they were "The Jock Party Animals" of high school. I proved that I could have fun without substance misuse. and inebriation.

Its a tough road for me but I've done it. I've got music on my side and a strong will.

xCrucialDudex
10-07-2009, 01:21 AM
D1988, this post is for you man. Just to backup my previous ones.

I approached a girl and started a conversation with her in the end of the previous week. I think it was Thursday.

I was walking around and saw a cute girl and decided I should come up to her and figure out what she was like. So, she was nice and cute and we went out yesterday so I threw in a question: "Hey do you smoke?". She came back with: "No! Why? And you?"

I had no idea when I was approaching her about whether she smokes or not as you fully realize this.

I tend to meet girls (or people for that matter) that don't smoke at all. As for alcohol she occasionally drinks some beer which is okay by me (well not really okay but I can live with this. Smoking = instant disqualification in my reality)

I mean to say it's happening to me on the regular basis and it's not a rocket science so you should be able to meet people who aren't excessively putting all the crap that is sold around into themselves.

Just trying to show what's happening in the real world with real people just like myself :)

xCrucialDudex
10-08-2009, 12:42 AM
Okay, so it happened to me yet again. I went out with another girl yesterday and found out she neither drinks nor smokes. And she doesn't do drugs either. No, she's not straight edge, she's not into sub-culture in any way she's what you'd call a "club girl" type. She's actually a beginner DJ.

I'm starting get used to this you know...

xSouthernEdgex
10-08-2009, 11:27 AM
Okay, so it happened to me yet again. I went out with another girl yesterday and found out she neither drinks nor smokes. And she doesn't do drugs either. No, she's not straight edge, she's not into sub-culture in any way she's what you'd call a "club girl" type. She's actually a beginner DJ.

I'm starting get used to this you know...

That's the story of my life. I've dated non straight edge girls before and it was tough. In the beginning I did the whole, "as long as you don't call me or disrespect me while drunk" but eventually that ceased to work and the girl always started to complain about it.
Eventually I went to the other extreme and just held back my feelings and kept quiet with the next non-straight edge girl. That had the opposite effect as I was the one that was super stressed out.
I've found out lately that I have to meet in the middle. I need to have some form of respect for others(I find it very hard to do this as I'm very opinionated and strongly opposed to their bullshit crutches). Luckily my current girlfriend stopped smoking and I introduced her more and more into Straight Edge and Hardcore(she's from Japan and was into J-rock and all that Japanese version of "fashion music" shit). I'm really happy with the way things are though. She's opposed to other people abusing shit as well but I'm a little more outspoken and fervent in my rants and she doesn't like that. Thats the only trouble I have and I'm okay with that.

sorry for the wall of text

xCrucialDudex
10-09-2009, 06:36 AM
That's the story of my life. I've dated non straight edge girls before and it was tough. In the beginning I did the whole, "as long as you don't call me or disrespect me while drunk" but eventually that ceased to work and the girl always started to complain about it.
Eventually I went to the other extreme and just held back my feelings and kept quiet with the next non-straight edge girl. That had the opposite effect as I was the one that was super stressed out.
I've found out lately that I have to meet in the middle. I need to have some form of respect for others(I find it very hard to do this as I'm very opinionated and strongly opposed to their bullshit crutches). Luckily my current girlfriend stopped smoking and I introduced her more and more into Straight Edge and Hardcore(she's from Japan and was into J-rock and all that Japanese version of "fashion music" shit). I'm really happy with the way things are though. She's opposed to other people abusing shit as well but I'm a little more outspoken and fervent in my rants and she doesn't like that. Thats the only trouble I have and I'm okay with that.

sorry for the wall of text

Wall of text is okay. It's what we do here you know xD

I'm just passing by those who do the shit. Simple as that. It dramatically reduces my options, of course, but whenever I find someone they don't do drugs and it's cool.

xZachArlenx
10-11-2009, 02:08 AM
Tell them that you're more mature than the people that drink their problems away. Tell them you're more mature because you know how to have fun without having to party. Either that or just wait until they're all drunk and mess with all their crap after they're passed out. That's always fun!

Nah but on a more serious note, don't let them get to you. When someone does something like that to me I turn it into a joke and make it a light situation. Next time i see them I will ask them if they got me my orange juice and that I am still waiting on that. Crap like that will only bug you if you let it.