missing brain

[xmissingxbrainx]

Well first off, I am not exactly straight edge. But my friend Brain was, or Bryan, but to his friends-he was brain. He was all into sxe and was proud of it, but he still had a lot of issues with life. I never met Brain, he was a member of my anime club, and for only 3 months...after the first day he was already part of the family. He picked up things quickly and added his own to make our little family a little bit more complete. He told me a lot of things, things he has only told to his RL friend, her and only her. Made me feel special, yet was a lot to have on my shoulders. But that's what being the leader of a group is, you are the one they turn to, you are the one they trust, and I am still very happy about that. And Brain did that. He told me every little detail about his past and how wrong it was of him, and then he turned SxE. He was happy. Or so we thought. He was so depressed and with our lil group it made life much more enjoyable. He found a gf online and he was talking about college and writing letters to CEOs of companies he'd like to be apart of. Things looked good. And the promises. He promised me many things. And the one thing I always held close to my heart, was that, if he ever felt suicidal, again, he would think of me and realize what he was doing. I unfortunately was not able to access the computer for about a weeks time and at school one day i had received an offline message from him saying goodbye and another from my best friend freaking out that he was saying things to her the nite before and she didn't know what was going to happen. The next day, I received a call from my friend informing me, that Brain's friend left a message at the group, letting us know, that Brain took his own life. My heart just sunk. He broke his promise. So many emotions flood through me when I think of him. Love, hate, sadness. Ever since, I have had an X on my hand. And the ones who knew him or who didn't know him but knew he was a big part of our life at the club, wore their X. It's been over 3 weeks now, I still have my X. Why I came here, I don't know. I just feel like I need something more, I just miss him terribly. I don't know if he was apart of this forum or not, he never mentioned--i looked through some of the names but none looked familiar. If he wasn't apart of this place, I'm sorry you guys didn't get to know him. We have a memorial site started now, I would like to post it here so you guys can check it out once it's finished. Ah, I better end this now before I start crying here at school--hands are aleady shaking *sigh* I hope you guys will accept me here, in truth, I don't do drugs anymore and I haven't had sex, and well the music, love the music, just not sure if what I like is exactly that of which sxe listens to..who knows. I guess i'll check back later tonite--thanks for reading.

~Hoseki

[xsecx]

One thing I would keep in mind, especially since you never met the kid, that it is possible that it was just someone wanting attention and manipulating you, It's very possible that they aren't dead. But then again, it could be true, but I'd check the newspaper around where they lived to see if there was any mention of it. If it's true and they are dead, my apologies, but I know first hand that there are people that want attention bad enough to make up stories and fuck with people.

that being said, straight edge is centered around hardcore music. a list of bands can be found here.
http://sxe.com/forums/showthread.php?t=389

and the use of inuyasha in your email was a good choice.

[xmissingxbrainx]

Yeah, well trust me the thought has come to mind. But, one of the members at our club goes to school with him, if I'm not mistaken. She mentioned going to her councler and things, and she was supossedly the last one he talked to. And again, I know I didn't know him long enough, but for him to pull a stunt like this is just not something he would do. He about broke down a month before hand because he thought he would never get to talk to us again late at nite with his family getting dsl and his computer in his room wouldnt be able to hold it. He cared for us as much as we did him. He had all the attention he needed here because like I've said, he was family. Unfortunately, too much pressure from school and parents and with his gf's mum not letting them talk anymore got to him. I know I shouldn't, but I do, but I beat myself up every day that if I was there or said something before hand to change his mind he'd still be here. I don't know.

Thanks for the link I'll check it out soon. and yeah our club started off centered around Inuyasha but we kind of went and decided we just can't keep out the rest of the anime world so we talk about a lot of things there. Inuyasha was a big part of Brain's life as well, like me, Inuyasha kind of brought a little happiness into our lives.

~Hoseki

[xsecx]

it all just sounds way too dramatic to be true though.

[xmissingxbrainx]

Yeah, but isnt that how it always sounds? From our POV of course it is. I know how life can hit ya like a ton of bricks all at once and you feel like there's no escape other than the gun hiding in your dad's closet. Thankfully, I'm too much of a pussy to do something like that. Unfortunately, he found the bullets this time. heh moreover, when I'm angry over the situation, I just want to shout that he was the pussy for giving up so easily.

on my way home from school a min ago-i looked in my mirror to look at the car behind me, and i saw someone who looked like him and god it's just so painful.

talking to my best friend about it last nite, i guess i was explaining to her and myself why this has taken so much more time to get over than any of the other deaths i've dealt with. I just had an aunt die, my mother's best friend die, my best friend's father and uncle die at the same time, and I'm fine. I understand the situations, all were unexpected yet I can look back on it and be ok. But not with Brain...goddess crying again...him being on a different relationship plane than the others and him being the first person i've had this kind of relationship and to take his own life--much harder for me. i'm sorry if i'm babbling but, talking to those who don't know the person is a lot easier i guess.

[xdaddydaycorex]

it all just sounds way too dramatic to be true though.

as i was reading it i kept expecting the story to reveal that "brian" is one of the kids recently 86'd from here, i don't know why i thought that but i'm sure it's not the case.

[xmissingxbrainx]

86'd?

and it's brain....or bryan---u'll find at our club we don't call everyone by their exact names

[straightXed]

it all just sounds way too dramatic to be true though.

Yeah, i'd be highly skeptical myself, seen people pull this kinda thing a few times before.

[xmissingxbrainx]

i think that's another reason why i won't accept it...there's a piece of me that thinks it's all just a game or something and i'll see his name pop up on the corner of the screen some day and it'll be him. or maybe we'll never really know until we find the article with his name in it...he could just decided enough was enough on the computer-came up w/ an alias....so many things have gone through my head.....but not one of em speaks Brain. *sigh* it's all i can say. I dunno. I don't want to sit here and defend the fact that he is dead. i have no proof that he is or isn't until i get a chance to talk to one person. and the sad thing is--i see her all the time online, yet i ignore her name to talk to the rest of my friends....another part of me that just doesn't want to hear those words, hear the truth.

[Azmodan]

That was possibly one of the saddest stories i've heard in a long, long time... I was suicidal at one point in time, i guess life can be really hard... And like you said:


and you feel like there's no escape other than the gun hiding in your dad's closetAs for me, i live in canada, so guns aren't allowed. If they were... Then i don't really know. I guess you could say guns do much worse than they could do better.

I hear of alot of sorrow and saddness around me, many people losing their girlfriends, peoples friends and parents dying... And then i wonder... Why hasn't anything happend to me? It seems unfair, how some people can live such a 'perfect' life, while others have to go through... well... through 'experiences' that they rather wouldn't. I'm very sorry to hear about your friend.

Maybe one day- You'll walk the streets, and catch a glimsp of him. And you will just have a feeling of who it is. You will have a feeling of your friends presence. You will feel that feeling, a feeling long forgotten shall return. May it stay with you for years to come.

This may sound dumb, if i haven't made an idiot of myself yet... But I hope your friend is actually alive. And if not, he will always be with you, in heart-

[xmissingxbrainx]

Ah, you're not an idiot--actually made me cry--thought i was done crying for the day *sigh*
but thanks it's nice to hear encouraging words like that.
btw cool pic of sesshomarou--gotta love meetin another inu fan.

[coldfrenchfries]

Ah, you're not an idiot--actually made me cry--thought i was done crying for the day *sigh*
but thanks it's nice to hear encouraging words like that.
btw cool pic of sesshomarou--gotta love meetin another inu fan.
oh my friggin' god!

[xmissingxbrainx]

oh my friggin' god!

and that was for what?

[Azmodan]

Ah, you're not an idiot--actually made me cry--thought i was done crying for the day *sigh*
but thanks it's nice to hear encouraging words like that.
btw cool pic of sesshomarou--gotta love meetin another inu fan.

Heh, Thanks for being the first to not call me dumb for the day -_-

I love inuyasha :D Greatest show. I only watch Inuyasha and Dragon Ball on TV... Since in canada our Cable TV blows donkey nuts and gets like 4 year old stuff. But oh well. It's all good :D

Encouraging words can be given anytime :)

[linsee]

on another board, this girl(we will call girl A) wanted this other girl(girl B) to leave her alone. so she stopped posting for a while, and this girl B started to wonder where she went, and sent her loads of messages and such. a few weeks later girl A finally emailed her back, posing as her own mother, to tell girl B that girl A died.

and other people played along with it.

so be careful what you believe.

[straightXed]

on another board, this girl(we will call girl A) wanted this other girl(girl B) to leave her alone. so she stopped posting for a while, and this girl B started to wonder where she went, and sent her loads of messages and such. a few weeks later girl A finally emailed her back, posing as her own mother, to tell girl B that girl A died.

and other people played along with it.

so be careful what you believe.

ahhh the old girl A and girl B story!

[Azmodan]

ahhh the old girl A and girl B story!

Yep... Some people are just weird- I don't see why they'd want others to believe they're dead, it seems slightly pointless. All you would have to do is tell them to "shut the **** up" and they'll listen half the time. If they don't they argue back and you can simply have more fun with em :P

[linsee]

ahhh the old girl A and girl B story!

eh i didnt want to use their names, i think they both lurk this board.

[straightXed]

eh i didnt want to use their names, i think they both lurk this board.


Well so long as they know who they are.

[xSouthernEdgex]

My Best Friends Mandie and Ashley both commited suicide. Ashley did it on web-cam. And Mandie did it out of state. I love them so much and i hate them so much. It really sucks what they did. But i had to learn to forgive not forget and i havent yet moved on but im trying.Youth and ignorance, when something happens you think it will never get better and you give up because you forgot you had a whole life left.

[xsecx]

My Best Friends Mandie and Ashley both commited suicide. Ashley did it on web-cam. And Mandie did it out of state. I love them so much and i hate them so much. It really sucks what they did. But i had to learn to forgive not forget and i havent yet moved on but im trying.Youth and ignorance, when something happens you think it will never get better and you give up because you forgot you had a whole life left.

I wonder if that webcam footage is floating around.

[xResolvex]

Suicide is for the weak-willed. My best advice is to realise you didnt mean that much to them if they would go out like that on "close friends".